Ways to Guarantee That I Will NOT Respond To Your Wink and/or Email

1. You think that the phrase "a lot" is a word "alot."
2. You fail to grasp the fundamental difference between its and it's.
3. You don't know the difference between their, they're and there.
4. Or between your and you're.
5. Or too and to and two.
6. Your collection of photos includes pictures of you and a feline.
7. Your collection of photos includes pictures of you with a child and you are holding a beer.
8. Your collection of photos includes pictures of you and one other female who does not really look like she is your sister.
9. Your collection of photos includes pictures in which you are obviously intoxicated and/or in which you are wearing Greek letters.
10. Your profile doesn't even have a picture. And, I'm not going to ask for one because then, if I don't "like" you and I don't respond, I'll seem shallow. And maybe I am. But you don't need to know that yet.
11. Your username includes a reference to a well known serial killer.
12. Your username refers to sexual activity.
13. Your username refers to you, me, and a sexual activity.
14. You are not wearing a shirt. Or, worse, you're wearing a wife beater.
15. You are wearing more jewelry than I do.
16. You speak of spontaneous road trips and wine and loving to listen to the laughter of young children because you think it impresses me.
17. You use instant messaging type abbreviations and/or emoticons in your profile and/or email correspondence.
18. You are old enough to be my father.
19. Your "requirements" in a match are so unspecific that you are matched with anyone who is female.
20. You "tell me" you can tell from reading my profile that we are meant to be.
21. You use any terms of endearment in the email. Do not ever call me "Baby" or "Sweetie." You don't mean it. And, if you do, ew.