Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.

A fine kindergarten lesson, no? Or, in the world of dating, definitely a good rule of thumb.

Yes, friends, today we are going to collectively discuss a topic that, until now, might have been thought taboo on this blog. But, since we all talk about it anyway, we thought we’d share our great insights and horror stories, opinions and gripes.

I’m talking about what Katie Couric so aptly termed “the new third base.”

So. Much. To. Say.

Unfortunately, not much time to say it. So, this entry may come in daily, weekly, or monthly installments. Here's the first.

Let’s start with the age old debate of “this is way more intimate than sex, why can’t we just have sex?” Men tend to say it and women, in our experience, are often great defenders of the opposite opinion. Many believe that, while tangibly and physically more intimate, the new third base is not, in the least, more emotionally intimate. In our experience, men have a difficult time accepting this argument. Some of us have had many a conversation (during inopportune times, mind you) regarding this topic. Women cling to the emotional components of these encounters. This act contributes to far less “baggage” than the other. Trust us.

Why the difference in opinion? Some of us hold out on the actual s-e-x and partake in everything but (EB) because, for us, it means less. Some of us have been “complimented” on our willpower (*ahem* stubbornness). There are many reasons why it’s different, the least of which is not that IT JUST IS.

This is not to say that the act isn’t equally, or almost as equally, emotionally tying as sex, just not more. While we may think it carries less “baggage” than sex, we also, perhaps paradoxically, believe it can tie you emotionally to a person who you might not have been all that into in the first place. Therefore, one could argue that this act should only be undertaken in a relationship where you are monogamous or, at least, comfortable and where you know someone’s disease potential (scary but true, says the sex ed instructor), but where you are still scared, nevertheless.

This is not an endorsement of the idea that sometimes ‘the new third base’ is less scary than sex with a new partner, that it should be undertaken casually, or in the back of school buses.


Some of us, however, are of the opposite opinion. Rounding third base does not bond us to the lucky man in any way, shape or form and does not cause emotional attachment. However, once we have become emotionally attached to our partner, we become far more willing to initiate this.

Then there are others of us who find oral sex to be more intimate...especially if performed on them. Because you feel more exposed and all the attention is being focused on you and your happiness, on what you want, it allows for greater intimacy. This, of course, is all relative to the act of actual sex, which is—at least sometimes—a mutually beneficial experience.

Of course, there are some out there who don’t differentiate between the two. If you’re willing to do one, you’re willing to do another.

There you go. But we'll leave you with this (unrelated) thought: men, do not casually mention in conversation the fact that you saw a great t-shirt the other day that said “Spitters are Quitters.” This sighting is not at all appropriate to tell the girl you are dating, especially if you are just getting to know each other. Girls remember the things you tell them. And that is something that will definitely stick (haha). We have all heard of this shirt, and it makes us want to gag.