Naughty or Nice?
Interestingly, I've recently decided that the concepts of naughty and nice need not be mutually exclusive. Afterall, sometimes being naughty can be very very nice. If I've learned nothing else this year, I've learned this to be true. But, I digress.
So, I've been somewhat absent as of late. Apologies to all loyal readers. Here's the update. Things with HS are going quite well. No red flags in sight (but wait, is that a red flag in and of itself?). Yup. I'm happy. But, here's the deal. LBH, I want a BF. That's been the problem with all the relationships of this past year. I'm just not content with the one date per week going no where kind of "relationship." In the words of Liz Phair, "I want all that stupid old sh!t like letters and sodas."
So, could things with HS be heading that way? Sometimes I think maybe so. We have multiple dates each week. We have a great time together. He's sweet and attentive. So, what's the problem? The "problem" is that I can't stay detached forever. Sometimes I think it may be easier to be a sociopath, but alas, I'm far from one. Emotion eventually comes into play. And, with emotion comes a chance for getting hurt...again.
A while ago, I pondered the question, does getting your hopes up and wishing for the best make it any worse if/when it all unravels? I'm generally not positive in my relationship outlook. I'm always waiting for the bottom to fall out. But, what's the harm in wishing for it to work out well? At least then, I can be happy in the moment. And, will it really hurt any more if I'm wrong?
posted by Objection @ Sunday, December 17, 2006
4 Comments:
First of all, not only can naughty and nice coexist pretty damn well, but I wouldn't date someone who couldn't be both.
On the expectation thing, I think it does make things worse if they don't work out. But, if you don't have your hopes up at least a little, it's not as wonderful if they do. Be happy and enjoy yourself, and I'm sure you'll do fine either way.
Our thoughts have more power than we realize. Think of your relationship in the present tense and telling yourself that it is wonderful and amazing and makes you happy is the way to go. You have to believe that it is going well or else it is doomed to fail.
Being naughty is nice. At least, that's what I like to tell myself.
Objection, I love the title and theme of this post, however your comment about "always waiting for the bottom to fall out" worries me a bit. This is a very difficult way to feel (I can relate) on a chronic basis without trying to do anything about it (which I think you are by the jist I get reading this). I think you should assess why you feel this way (divorce?) and how you can change it to prevent you from feeling that your own chronic anxieties are sabotaging this relationship. Regardless of how things with HS work out (I hope well!) my guess is that looking at why you're chronically burdened with these feelings would benefit you. If things don't work, you will be less likely to blame yourself, and if they do, you will feel less "needy" in the relationship by having a better understanding of your own inclinations.
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