Overanalysis

My number one way of defeating any relationship or would-be relationship. And I'm about to do it again for the sake of this blog. We have to get this thing rolling...so...

St. Patrick's Day is my holiday...based on my name and eye color I've claimed it to be mine. So this year I planned to do it up in grand style (last year's holiday consisted of really really crappy double date...i was determined to exorcise that experience from my memories)

The "boy" was going to be there as well. The boy didn't really know about my crush. Though I don't think I was that subtle...so here is the background:

Meet months ago by chance. Am on date with lump. We run into them at the store when picking up wine and meet "boy" and his roommate. I note his cuteness.

Lump is now out of picture. Or at least when he comes into my sights I leave the scene.

Friend has party. I can only go to party for a few minutes, note boy is there and again think he is cute.

So next week am having brunch with party friend and I say what is up with boy. I have a crush. (though I usually have a few) She says you should crush him. I say I do. She says he is coming to brunch next Sunday you should come. I say okay.

I show up at brunch. I think he is funny. He likes kickball. So I email him (yes...this was my initiating I patted myself on back for in earlier post) He emails back. I finally send him cute email asking what he likes to do...he tells me...life goes on.

Next Friday I see party friend. She says boy asked what was going on tomorrow night. I say we should go out and suggest karaoke. Saturday comes. I actually don't want to go out...other friend says just go. I go have good time. He pays lots of attention to me. He walks me home (he lives near me) and I feel bad he is walking me home then i find out when he emails me Monday morning that he got lost walking back for two hours.

I email back that I am so sorry but that I appreciate the walk home. No response. Which is fine he is busy.

Wednesday night we go for korean bbq. He and I are first to arrive. He is on phone so I get out of my car and start walking in. He ends call and yells after me "aren't you even going to wait for me? I turn "You were on phone" He says "you are all dressed up." i die a little because OF COURSE i am dressed up because he is going to be there. I lie and say I had a bad day at work so was just trying to shrug it off...We get inside and are seated and he looks at me and says "did you get your hair done" I'm like "do I?" and he's says "no, did you just get your hair done" and I said "No, why, does is look okay?" He says "it's fine"

So now because I am generally not insecure...am now feeling insecure and uncomfortable.

So I throw out at dinner...what is going on this weekend for the holiday. The boy suggests a bar and those of us in town say we will go. I find out at some point he is moving.

So Saturday comes...

Nothing really happens early. Hanging with friends. Confirm his moving with party friend. So I say well I'm not going to attach to a mover so I'll just flirt and be breezy, plus I'm not really sure he's in interested.

Boy has a habit of using my words back against me. Not in a mean way, actually it is usually funny and in a teasing context. But it sends me a little off kilter...as my crush gets a little stronger. But I call him on it. I turn to him after one of the occasions and say "Jeez. Do you remember everything I say?" and he looks me in the eye and says "Yeah. I sort of do. I sort of do it on purpose." So now I'm really flustered.

Night goes on.

Then I'm standing there in a group with him and some friends and he tells my work friend standing next to him that she's really hot. I am poleaxed. So I remove myself from situation and walk away. I'm not going to stand there and listen. And while I'm not devastated...I'm still a little bruised. Mostly ego speaking...but nonetheless...it took the wind out of my party sails.

Apparently she gave him a little hell for it but he doesn't really care and while she didn't relate it to me I"m thinking he probably said he wasn't interested in me.

Fast forward. It ends up that him, I, his roommate and my work friend all go home together to the boys place. work friend and roommate have hit it off and are hanging together (ha. take that boy!) so boy is all about asking me on the walk what is wrong and i am like you told work friend in front of me how hot she was. and he's like so. and i'm like you could have at least done it when i wasn't around.

we get back to place. he cooks breakfast for himself and work friend. i am not hungry. i am in knots. work friend and roommate are hanging so I am stuck. He is getting irritable and talkign under his breath (which secretly was kind of cute).

Then he pulls me into his room. And we talk. And I get some story about how he doesn't care about things or anything or having sex with me. And I'm like a. that wasn't really planned and b. never ever say that to a girl you want to sleep with. he changes his tune a little at this point and says it's not that he doesn't want to sleep with me but he doesn't care whether it happens. it doesn't. nothing happens. not even kissing. we both just go to sleep.

wake up. first thing he says is work friend is really hot. i'm like you are just mean. he says yes i am. i'm like you said it enough last night i don't need to hear it in morning. he says come on it is funny. i say not really. he says i even at one point pulled her to the side and started telling her how beautiful she was. i'm like i really don't need to hear this and i could have gone without hearing that altogether.

we wake up. work friend and roommate get up. we start teasing him about not putting out. i tell him he still has to cook me dinner on wednesday. becomes big joke about dinner and sex being on my calendar for wednesday. both of us girls are really sarcastic. i tell him my crush is over. and it is. because it has to be. i think it is pretty apparent at this point he doesn't care about anything happening he was just sort of stuck with me the night before.

then i get a call yesterday afternoon that he just drove by a local hot spot and saw me sitting outside. what?