Bringing Down the House

Inspired by R.D.'s recent post, I would like to address the "playing house" phenomenon that I have witnessed with so many of my single friends.

Scenario: Boy meets girl, boy and girl become exclusive, boy and girl become inseparable, boy and girl "live together" without living together, including doing each other's laundry, paying each other's bills, taking care of each other's pets and children. You get the point.

As I recall from back in the annals of time when I was dating, this is a very exciting time. Everyday you learn so much about each other and mundane, daily activities have an excitement that was never there before. It is certainly a time to be enjoyed.

(and here comes the big) BUT, I have found that some people revel in the companionship and the "white picket fence" of it all so much, that they choose to overlook the red flags that seem to be popping up all over the place. One GF of mine is engaged to a guy who has a 4 year old son and she has been playing house since two weeks into the relationship. She loves going to the park as a family and "playing mom" to her soon-to-be step-son by dressing him up in lacoste polo shirts and going to his parent/teacher conferences. All the while, she is completely oblivious to the bitter, ugly and exhausting custody battles that have been and will likely continue to rage between her fiancee and his ex-wife for the next 14 years, as well as the emotional toll that it takes on her relationship with her fiancee.

Some people equate playing house with long term commitment and compatibility. Long term commitment is not about playing house. Long term commitment is about staying and working it out when you would rather go back to your own apartment, cool off and watch Sex in the City. Long term commitment is 99% about substance and 1% about form. There is no such thing as "taking a break" from marriage to find out if there is anyone else better out there.

So cherish playing house. Learn from it. Take it for what it is worth. But remember next time you ask him, "wanna come over [and play house]?" not to confuse the thrilling novel game with l-o-v-e.