The First First Date.

I'm back. And I'm alive. I survived a first date with a stranger (we'll call him Date #1). It wasn't dreadful. But, it wasn't a love match.

Now, I'm sure there are some of you out there in experienced dating land (or the land of judgment) who will say that I can't decide something like this after one date, especially after Date #1 and I had good phone chemistry and good email chemistry. To you I say this: It is easy for me to talk to people when I don't have to look at them and I am very good with the written word/email flirting. Like brilliant.

There was zero chemistry (at least on my end). Now, some of you will also say that chemistry is something that can grow. To you I say this: though my last several "relationships" all went down in flames, there was palpable chemistry within seconds of our respective first meetings. So much so that, cliche as it sounds, I could feel it. And outsiders could sense it and would often comment on it. So, I unfortunately know that it is possible to have immediate chemistry. Some, I know, would call this lust. Call it whatever you want, but whatever idiom you choose was not there tonight.

But there was conversation about the weather (Weather! What would Dr. Phil say??) and work (Bo-ring). There was some silence. There was forced conversation.

This isn't to say that it was all bad. I mean, Date #1 was a nice guy. If he were to call and ask me on another date (and, LBH, I'm not sure that he will), I'd say yes because God knows I've given enough assholes (see last several relationships, above) numerous (numbering in the hundreds, perhaps) of chances, overlooking the asshole-ness. It's not fair to not give a nice guy another chance.

There are obviously really picky things that I also made note of throughout...I won't share them, but I will admit that they crossed my mind. It's important to know, my dear readers, that despite my apparent cynicism throughout the course of this blog thus far, I am very willing to make things "work" and to put myself out there--which, six months ago or even six weeks ago never would have been part of my personal agenda--and to not let little things derail a possible relationship, of any sort; the mere fact that I am (1) doing this and (2) sharing my [mis]adventures is proof of this (she says, as she steps off the defensive soapbox).

I will also admit that I know that much of the time I was comparing Date #1 to certain other people. But, though those "other people" contributed to bad relationships, they also put some good things out there (or else I wouldn't have stuck around). And, isn't that the whole point of dating? I mean, aren't you supposed to take the good and take the bad (stop singing the Facts of Life theme) and learn what you want and what you don't want?

Tonight's tally:

The good = delicious dinner and dessert, getting another first date out of the way, meeting someone new, taking the next step in a Match.com "relationship," doing something I didn't think I'd ever do.

The bad = no palpable chemistry, non-engaging conversation, a "this was fun, we should do it again" end to the evening.

Take them both and there you have...that's left to be seen, I suppose.