Buying the Large Box of Condoms Guarantees Relationship Demise

So, as you can guess from the title of this entry, things did not go well with EE. RD knew things were amiss when she received a phone call on Friday night. The first sign that things were bad was the fact that I called her at 9:46. The second sign of trouble probably came from the fact that I was crying. I managed, however, to not cry until I was in my car, driving home, overnight bag on the front seat (hmmm, kind of like a scene from the season finale of The Office).

The point of this entry, however, is not to make readers feel sad. Nope. Rather, as I have done in the past, I blog to provide a public service announcement. Please be aware of the following red flags, which I noticed during the course of my five and a half month relationship with EE, but have overlooked until now:

1. Three words: selfish in bed

2. Never ever ever tells you that you are cute, or pretty, or beautiful, or attractive (except once in a sort of indirect kind of way) -- now, random men that I've never met before tell me I'm attractive. It happened just the other day. I was walking from one building to another (a frequent route in my day to day life at work) and some random man approached me, said he sees me walking back and forth and thought I was cute...and would like to take me to dinner. Okay, so I said no and thought he was crazy. But, nonetheless, he told me I was cute, one minute after meeting me. What's with this five and a half month moritorium?

3. In five and a half months, he has slept at your place 3 times; you always sleep at his place. This is because he has sleep issues. Of those 3 times, one time he left at 3 a.m. because you woke him up and he couldn't get back to sleep. Another time, he woke YOU up and you took him home at 3 a.m.

4. Doesn't own a wallet (would lose it anyway) or a cell phone (moral objection).

5. Never holds your hand in public.

6. The least ambiguous conservation you ever had regarding the definition of your relationship was the one where you broke up.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still sad. It sucks to spend almost half a year dating someone who then turns out to not be the one. The reason for the breakup is not something I'm going into here, but suffice it to say, I know it's the right decision. So, what positive things do I take from this relationship? Well, it's the longest relationship I've had in quite a while. In addition, one of my earliest dates with EE was undoubtedly the coolest date I've ever had in my life. Ever. It's going to be hard to top that one. Where do I go from here? Well, I'm of course very tempted to contact the old F.W.B. (friend with benefits) who lives out of town and "hang out" with him a bit. RD thinks this is a bad idea. And, she's correct. But, that's not necessarily going to stop me from doing it as I tend to do dumb things frequently when dealing with matters of the heart.

Eventually, I'll get back on the dating horse again. You all will benefit from blogs about awful first dates etc. Actually, this could really result in an increase of blogging material. Hey, a silver lining already. Excellent.