Communications 101.

The problem with having a communication issue in your relationship is that it's very hard to talk about. Ironic, but true. After my diatribes of last week (and thank you all BTW for your responses, they were excellent and helpful), I managed to calm down enough to make the following decision. I would give myself one month to figure out things with EE. That's one month during which time I would try to initiate a discussion to get all those unanswered questions answered.

LBH, I don't want to dismiss capriciously...because good guys are hard to find. On paper, we make sense. We're both young, ambitious professionals. There's good chemistry there, good FB (that's flirty banter), a lot in common. As the months have passed, we've opened up a bit more, started to discuss more serious topics (but of course, not "us"...we don't discuss "us"). If I let myself, really let myself, I could fall for the guy. But, every time I've started to do so, I've pulled myself back a bit. Just ask RD, she's been dealing with this for months. And, it doesn't help that from time to time the guy mentioned in my earlier blog of today has phoned with offers that are hard to refuse and which mess me up for a few days.

So, the clock is ticking. We had a fab weekend together, but I stayed away from all the topics that cause me heart palpitations. I focused on the fun of just being together, the casual way we interact. No regrets.

But eventually, we're going to have to go down that road of the "serious talk" again. And, realizing that every relationship-oriented talk we've had has come at my initiation, well...we know who is going to be responsible for getting the ball rolling. The problem is I just don't know what I want to say. I mean, the fear I have here is wasting time. Perhaps that's not a dumb fear for one approaching 30...especially one who already wasted 7 years on a horrible relationship. So, what I want to ask is the one question that you can't ask without being "that girl" -- "Where do you see this going?" We've never discussed relationship goals. So, I have no idea whether he wants to eventually settle down, or if he's a serial monogamist who never sees himself settled.

Oh, and that's not the only question I have. There's another. It's what I call "the middle school question" -- "Do you like me?" Because he's never told me how he feels about me. Now, to be fair, I've never told him either....but I'M THE GIRL! So, being a traditionalist, I like to wait to hear it before I say it too (also, it's safer that way). Sure, he acts like he likes me. He's sweet. We hang out almost every weekend and usually one night during the week. We e-mail multiple times on most days. Sometimes, he brings funny little "presents." He's introduced me to friends. So, am I completely insecure? Why do I actually need to hear the words? I'm not sure.

So, the days pass. The questions, to date, remain unasked and more importantly unanswered. I try to figure out how to bring up the topics, because LBH a month isn't that long. But, there's part of me that's just too afraid to do it...afraid of messing up a good thing...and yet, there's another part of me that's too afraid not to do it.