A promise that's sometimes hard to keep.

A long time ago, I made a promise to Him.

I had gone and picked him up from downtown (red flag, I know, but bear with me). He had been out with friends and decided, halfway through the evening, that I needed to be there with him. I did not agree, but I did agree to pick him up (I still wonder why), knowing full well the implications of said chauffeur service.

On the way home, he started talking very seriously. We had always had a good rapport, one that was honest and real (at least compared to that which I had previously had with other individuals); there was never any question about how he felt (or, unfortunately, where this would go).

At one point he took my hand, looked at me in all seriousness and asked me if I would promise him something. I agreed, because until that point he had given me no reason not to.

"Promise me that no matter what happens you will never chase after a man. You need to be the one who is chased." He went on to explain why, showering me in those three minutes with more genuine compliments than I had ever received.

I agreed.

Fast forward a long time. Every time I have the urge to pick up the phone or send an email, I am reminded of that promise made to a man who didn't keep up his end of the bargain. And, despite my pseudo-animosity toward him, I can't help but remember what he said to me. So I don't send the email. I don't pick up the phone. Because I deserve to be chased.

Oddly enough, I had every intention in the world of writing about this today. Before I got to work, I began composing this in my head...kind of an "even though the relationship ended here's something I got out of it" post. A looking at the bright side/there's always a silver lining kind of thing. I was tired of being cynical.

Until I actually got to work and was almost immediately accosted, via instant messenger, by a ghost from the past. Yes, friends, RCB has returned. He IMed this morning, saying he was "around" (he had been working off site for a while, unbeknownst to me). He said he just was saying hi and wanted to catch up. Wow. It has been almost two years to the day that that one went away (with some intermittent returns here and there). I played it cool. There was a lot of flirty banter on his part (reminiscent of the old days). I finally said that maybe I had time to catch up this week and asked if we could play it by ear.

He, of course, agreed.

Do I want to do this? I am not sure. But I do know that if I don't, I will surely wonder what his motives and/or intentions in a reunion are. I mean, I'm not stupid. I probably know. And these are, as RJ stated so eloquently a few posts ago, "slim times."

But I'm being chased, I'm not the chaser. So what's there to lose?