Balls out.
I am a bad ass. Yesterday, I confronted (in my own RD kind of way) RCB about everything. All that I knew and all that I suspected was admitted to and, thus, confirmed.
And he told the truth. And apologized. A lot.
Two of my very good friends convinced me to do it, saying I had nothing to lose. They were right, but it took more prodding than I thought. Lots of deep breaths. Accelerated heart rate (who needed a cardio workout after all of that?). Lots of bravery.
Oddly enough, while I wasn't attempting to be overly bitchy in our correspondences yesterday, he sensed I was upset. What I thought would be perceived as flirty banter (much to my dismay and in defiance of my intent) was actually seen for what it was: anger. At one point he just, out of the blue, said he was sorry. I played dumb and asked what he was sorry about. That turned into a two hour discussion.
All I ever wanted was an acknowledgement and an apology. I got both. And then some. I honestly felt like a gigantic, two year old weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Much of what he said correlated almost exactly with what I knew (that he didn't know I knew). The nature of our conversation was so quick that he didn't have time to think about his responses or concoct stories to make himself look better. All the pieces came together.
I’m not saying I’m ready to marry him. Or even date him. But I am saying that I have forgiven him. I don’t hate him. But I won’t forget any time soon, either.
posted by Reluctant Dater @ Thursday, September 07, 2006
5 Comments:
~Shaking her head~
I was in a similar situation about a year ago. And you're happy you know and that it's out there...and you say you forgive. But you're right...it takes a LOOOONG time to forget.
thanks irish red...i'd be curious to hear your advice on the situation. bc, lbh, i am pretty sure this "just friends" thing isn't going to "work." it's either go or no go, i'm afraid. but i am not so certain that is a bad thing. it's just really confusing bc i see him in a completely different light now. i am very apt to forgive and overlook, especially considering the extent of the apology (but especially considering the acknowledgement). i mean, he didn't lie when he so easily could have. i know i'm probably giving him too much credit...
hmm.
i don't know. forgive and move on. but i would advise against moving on in any form with him. unless you think you can truly be friends and NOT be taken advantage of...because he's come clean in the past but it doesn't mean he won't continue this behavior in the future.
just be very very wary
the problem here is quite complex...i'm very easy to forgive and move on. he had no idea what i knew or how i found it out (and my sources will never be revealed and will not reveal themselves, i can assure you) so he obviously wasn't trying to corroborate any stories. it gave me a little bit of extra comfort and faith in his explanation and apology when i could put pieces together. and the fact that, since the big confrontation, he's been on nothing less than perfect behavior. some may say he's being manipulative and playing on my sympathy and "niceness." i just look at it as though he's just trying.
i'm not going to be stupid, but i'm letting go of the cynicism, too. i'm just going with the flow, for once. i'm not forcing anything and i'm not sabotaging anything.
i'll be careful, i promise.
k. but still call me.
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