A moment (no matter how fleeting) of Zen.

Ok, so maybe not. And, I know the wrath of all of you out there who would kick my ass (over RCB's) if I told you that all was forgiven. But I'm feeling better about things. I'm still not feeling 100%...hell, I'm probably at around 53%, but I'm feeling better. Especially since I found out, from a reliable source, that my imagination ran far, far away from me the other day and what I thought he was lying about wasn't really true. I should save my creativity for writing projects, not my love life.

But he called today. Surprised the dickens out of me when I heard his ringtone. I contemplated, of course, not answering but realized that if I did not, I'd have to call him back and I then ran the risk of him not answering, me leaving a message...you know the drill.

Today I stood up for myself. I did not have, however, the conversation I ultimately wanted to have. The blog (that so many of you graciously lent your opinions to) was meant to be a script. But, while I can write about my life and what I want from it with the best of them, I have a hard time following through. The pen, in my case, is mightier than the [s]word. I talk big but, when it comes down to it, I retreat. The girl you see here is the one I aspire to be; I've made great strides, I think, in the months since I've started chronicling all of this, yet I realize I still have a long way to go.

I did, however, make my feelings known. What I did not do was have the DTR, as suggested (and almost mandated) by LC (I just thought that it was better to have that conversation in person). Nevertheless, I am proud of myself for at least getting some of it out there.

I told him it hurt my feelings that he didn't call me back. He said he was busy. I said it didn't matter, he told me to call, I did, and he didn't return my call and THAT WAS MEAN. He apologized. I said, "now you know that when I call and leave a message, I EXPECT A CALL BACK." Rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, not nice were some of the adjectives I used. He said he called back within 24 hours (like that made it okay) and I said, "we are not a business, we are a relationship." He asked me if I would feel better if I were mean to him. Um, no. I'm nice, and an angel. Remember? I just want to promote honesty and courtesy, buddy. Learn a lesson, please.

The rest of the conversation was pretty friendly. I think I put him on edge (which he deserved to be, but which made me uncomfortable as I was not able to read body language (haha because I'm so good at that)), so I said that I meant what I said, I wasn't being mean, and it made me feel better to be honest with him about how it made me feel when he cancelled two nights of plans (he maintained his excuses) and then didn't call me back AFTER he told me to call him.

He did try to figure out a time for us to see each other before he leaves for his boys' weekend. I'm not going to do anything to make this happen; at this point, I think that it's his responsibility. He's obviously not been making time for me this week, and he needs to get back on his A game or else he's going to be benched (wow, a sports metaphor. He's really done a number on me.).

Don't fret, though...all is not forgotten. I'm on notice for poor behavior just as he's on notice that, at the drop of a hat (or the pushing of "publish post" on this blog), I have a bevy of individuals of all ages, ethnicities and genders who will make him wonder why he ever crossed me. If, of course, he ever recovers from the beat down.