Leading lady...or best friend?

I saw The Holiday with LC. Tagged a romantic comedy, to me it was nothing of the sort. Romantic, maybe. But comedic? Absolutely not. Unless you (or I should say I) find my life to be a comedy. If we’re going to be honest (because you know I always try to be), these days (or the past year and a half, more like it) I guess my dating life has been a comedy of errors.

Usually, in movies such as this (ie ones about unrequited love, lost love, etc.) I can find myself relating, on at least a very base level, to the female character (who, most likely, is the one who is brokenhearted, wanting, pining for, hoping for, wallowing, wishing, worrying about…you get the picture). In this movie, I related (at different points throughout the film) to many, including male characters.

Amanda, played by Cameron Diaz, is one gal who feels emotion but doesn’t show it. In her case, it’s an inability to do so; in my case, I try not to do so. Lately, I’ve overcome that. I won’t give anything away by telling you if she is able to do the same. Another thing Amanda and I have in common is our tendency to “beastie boy” (aka sabotage) relationships. Amanda totally beastie boyed all of her relationships past and took the same path in the movie, making up stories about her holiday fling (a very hott Jude Law) and (maybe? maybe not.) putting the kabash on the relationship with a whole slew of what ifs instead of sitting there and enjoying the moment.

Iris, played by Kate Winslet, is classic RD. Everything she did, said, talked about and was represented me. I felt, at times, that I was the one who should have been performing that script. Her speech at the beginning, her way of handling herself around (and not) the ex, her speech about love and getting over it at the end of the movie...all of it. But then Graham (Jude) would have been my brother and I couldn’t have made out with him.

Even Jack Black’s Miles said and did things that I’ve said and done in the past [two weeks].

As I seem to have taken a tangent from the point I started out trying to make…the movie was an accurate depiction of what people do after a break up—how they act in the days, weeks and, sadly, even years following. There were numerous instances throughout the 2+ hours where I could just feel LC staring at me, as if to say, “This is so you! Do you see what I’m dealing with??” To which I kept giving quite audible, “SHUT UP”s.

I stole the title from one of the best lines in the movie. Iris, one of the main characters, is sitting at dinner with an older man whom she has befriended. He asks her why such a beautiful, fun, wonderful woman is alone (ie the question every single woman loves to hear). Iris’s dinner companion, a man who has been in the movie industry since the days of Cary Grant, says this to her: “in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.”

Reluctant Dater likes to be the best friend. Or so she tells herself and others. The “nice” part of me, the “kill them with kindness” [without killing them but while still getting to spend time with them] relegates me to such a position and, I’m afraid, may stifle me from becoming the leading lady I deserve to be—the Audrey Hepburn to his George Peppard, the Vivien Leigh to his Clark Gable, the Julia Roberts to his Richard Gere. I know I do this, I always have. Another lesson learned came from none other than Miles when he finds out that Iris is maintaining correspondence with her ex (of three years, who happens to be engaged); Miles says something to the effect of how he [the ex] gets to keep [an eager for any kind of communication] Iris around and, thus, the ex gets the benefit while Iris gets nothing out of it. There is nothing going on here except a perpetuation of the breakup; he’s not letting her forget him. And that’s what she needs to do before she can move on to bigger and better things.

Funny, it’s something someone else told me the other day, too. And, I know it’s what I need to do. But it’s so hard not to answer the phone when he calls, or answer an email when it pops into my inbox. Even if there’s no flirting. And, obviously, I’m not the only one who’s doing these things as a whole effing movie was based upon this (and is doing quite well).

Anyway, I felt the need to relate something in pop culture to my life today, as writing about my therapy iPod mix (an idea inspired by lmnt’s music post the other day) just seemed too depressing. But, don’t worry: some day you will be lucky enough to get that playlist. And what a playlist it is.

While the title quote was inspiring, the following made me cry (a lot) and really hit home…but gives hope, too:

It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends...you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little peices of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.