And So It Goes.

I saw him today. It wasn’t some accidental, unplanned, caught off guard moment. It was completely and absolutely planned. By me. Secretly.

So I had a meeting today in the building where he works, a place I don’t frequent. I decided, once the meeting was scheduled, that I would “stop by” his office on my way out and see if he was there. If not, so be it. But if so…well, God help me.

[Needless to say, it was a superior hair/makeup/wardrobe day…put together and hot without being obvious about it. He needed to be reminded of what he had and what he so callously and without a damn care threw away.]

I was anxious during my meeting. Did I really want to do this? Yes.

I found my way to his stomping grounds. Knocked on the open door. He looked over. Commented that it had been a while (seven months almost to the day, but who’s counting?). Told me to have a seat. Asked if I wanted to get coffee. I declined (major accomplishment), said I had another meeting shortly thereafter. Small talk. Mindless chatter. It was painful. Absolutely and utterly painful. For two people who used to be able to talk for hours on end about everything (even things that shouldn't have been discussed, that normal people would have been embarrassed to bring up, much less discuss at length), we were at a loss for words; for two people who were comfortable in even the most inappropriate situations, I felt very much ill at ease.

He told me I should have given him advance notice of my visit so that we could’ve planned better. Enough with the empty words, dear. I am tired of you trying to ease your conscience. You broke my heart, whether I want to admit it or not. I can’t change that, and neither can you. The fact that I’ve moved on (almost 99%) has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I am not going to make you feel like the good guy. You aren’t. But I’m not going to make you into the bad guy, either, because that, too, gives you a hell of a lot of clout that you surely do not deserve. You were a mere few months in my life. I had lived 324 months before I met you and I’ve lived nine more after you. And I’ve done just fine, thank you.