Were Emily Post Still Alive
For those of you not familiar with E-Harmony and the process of closing out a match, allow me to advise. When you decide that you no longer want to correspond with an E-Harmony match, you click on the "close match" button. You are then redirected to a screen where you are asked to check off the box (or boxes) indicating your reason for closing the match. I always find this a bit awkward. Sometimes it's easy. If you listed Jesus or Church as one of the "5 Things You Could Not Live Without," I simply check the box indicating that our values do not mesh. If I do not find you attractive, I check the "other" box. Unfortunately, there's no check box for "I Dated You Previously, You Lied to Me About Not Wanting a Committed Relationship and Now I Never Want to Talk to You Again You Swine." Thus, the rub. I want to close the match to EE. And, part of me (the evil part) wants to "hurt" him in the process. Sure, I would like to check "I'm pursuing other relationships on E-Harmony. It wouldn't be a total lie (second date scheduled for tonight with AG BTW, and I am SO nervous/excited). But, I fear this would ensure bad karma. So, he sits in my inbox. He taunts me. He reminds me of his existence, even though I've pretty much put him out of my mind otherwise. What would Emily Post advise? Never could she have anticipated such a dilemma.
posted by Objection @ Thursday, October 12, 2006
8 Comments:
interesting that he hasn't closed you out, yet, either...
i say mark the "pursuing other" option and be done with it. he hurt your feelings, you're entitled to hurt his. this is assuming he has any. which i will conjeture he doesn't.
Hmmmm....Em would say check every sinlge one of those annoying little boxes!
I concur that he might not have feelings. That's a horrible thing to say, but "we" saw evidence of this time and time again.
I have a similar taunting situation on match. He sits there in "who's viewed you," or whatever it's called. It is so easy for me to tell you to cut the cord and move on. But why can't I just click 'remove profile.'
The contortions we put ourselves through...
I'm still stunned that you both are passively aggressively sitting there, looking at each other's faces every day without doing anything about it! Close that match! Get rid of him! Put "other" if you can. I wouldn't know...never did E-Harmony. The whole "Christian" slant didn't seem to go right with my lifestyle of public sex.
I agree. Close the match! Don't worry about hurting his feelings because he has made it clear that he's incapable of being concerned about yours. My advice would be to check minimal boxes though, so he doesn't realize how spiteful you're really feeling (and you're not, really, by the sound of it, you just want him to think you did it barely without a thought).
I had a match who opted not to show her picture right away. She and I made it to the point of open communication before she asked me to see my picture (I didn't realize that EH would not let someone see your picture if you could not see theirs).
So, I found the place where they allowed me to change the settings so that anyone could see my picture and changed. I then sent her a note...the next day I get message back, and I quote:
"You lied to me, I said that physical attraction is important to me and you clearly are not attractive. I am closing this match and reporting you to eHarmony"
It's too bad they don't give you the opportunity to fill in an option when you choose other.
You could request a fastrack with him and write your own closing message, then close the match :).
I LOVE it when someone closes me out on eHarm. Most of the time they say they are pursuing other relationships and I get all happy for them. I currently have 72 matches stacked up, and am only in various stages of communication with, like, 8 of them. Chalk it up to laziness.
I second the motion for checking all the boxes you can. Isn't it time karma bit him in the ass for being a liar?
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