Apathy.
Well, bloggers, I have been absent from the blogging world for a while - absent from blogging about my dating life, because, well, right now there isn’t one to blog about. But maybe that is for the best. For time alone is the time when one is able to think, to read, build esteem, and figure out what one wants from life in general and relationships, right?...
It's been said that the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy.
I’ve been thinking about this word a lot lately. Every guy I’ve encountered as of late it seems who I am interested in at first, but ends up not worth dating, has been apathetic. Apathetic about not just me, but seemingly about life - definitely not a good mix for a relationship. This happened with ETB, my FWB who seemed for a while to want more, a couple of weeks ago. He converted our virtually dating relationship to occasional text message sending to keep things cordial (we work together) but no making of future plans. I’m pretty sure it means he’s not that into me. It happened with CDWP (cute doctor with potential), who asked me if I wanted to get together yesterday morning, then called and said I could come bring him take-out, and watch a movie at his house, which is a half an hour away, but that he wasn’t willing to leave his living room. He didn’t have a long day at work, or an ailing mother at home he attends to, he just didn’t feel like leaving his house, even if I drove a half an hour to pick him up. I backed out, saying I just felt like staying in after all.
What is this? Have women (including myself) lowered their standards so much that guys no longer feel a need to make an effort, because they can just turn around and call another fwb, who is willing to show up on their doorstep, no strings attached? Is this God’s revenge for me having one fling in attempt to get over my last relationship (Catholic guilt speaking)? Seriously, what’s with the apathy? My therapist would probably say it’s because I have a need to save (like patients?) depressed guys with emotional baggage who aren’t really emotionally available, and that my sometimes less than superb self-esteem makes me think at the time that these guys are reasonable choices. Has anyone else noticed a theme of apathy out there in the dating world?
posted by dr. strangelove @ Saturday, November 18, 2006
5 Comments:
Hmmm...this is interesting. Perhaps we must blame the entire FWB culture. I'm equally guity of FWB relationships (as all readers of this blog well know). I wonder if in addition to the emotional chaos this causes for me as an individual, if I am also perpetuating this sort of apathy. Hang in there Dr. Strangelove. I firmly believe there are guys out there who are willing to go the extra mile.
I would say that you absolutely should not date "depressed guys with emotional baggage who aren't really available."
To me, this is a red flag that says 'Walk away.' Nowadays, no matter how beautiful and intelligent a woman is, I ALWAYS avoid those girls with emotional baggage ... my prior experience trying to 'save' these women has ALWAYS failed miserably.
I don't know if it's apathy, per se. For me, I think it's more a reluctance to fully commit for fear of getting hurt.
Also, you need to know what you want. That's sometimes the hardest thing to figure out.
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but knowing what you want and recognizing what you deserve is one thing; realizing and accepting the truth of the situation (especially if it doesn't coincide with what you need/want/deserve) is so much harder. there are situations where you know what you want and know what you're getting and it doesn't fit together, yet you can't let yourself get out of the situation. it's fear, just like jojo said. fear is a major motivator or, in the case of dating, a non-motivator (ie i'm not going to dtr for fear of what he will say).
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