Playing With Matches

What started as a means of chronicling the online dating experiences of two picky yet adventurous almost thirty somethings has turned into a chronicle of all that is, was and has made up their collective dating histories. Our two original daters are now joined by several other fun, breezy, sassy gals, and Playing With Matches is now a missive on dating misadventures, a cacophony of ups and downs, turmoil and bliss. With a bit of snark mixed in here and there.

Friday, May 18, 2007

After Action Report

That's military for AAR, i.e. what happened when Dr. S tried to get back into the dating game... The good news is that it went well, very well. If nothing else, this was a boost to my confidence that I surely needed. NYB and I did meet for a late lunch and drinks, which extended into meeting up with his roommates and a movie, and a little more than that later on... but not too much more. This guy proved to be way more interesting than I remembered as he has led quite an interesting life to this point. His parents manage a funeral home in the Bronx, and I am a doctor exposed to some pretty morbid things at times, so we had some interesting laughs. Refreshingly, he was also really into hearing about me, and noticing the things that make me tick (as opposed to last few months of dating flyboy). The worst trait I could see in him was a compulsive drive to clean, something I can definitely deal with as I admittedly have a bit of OCD of my own.

The funny (or at least, blog-worthy) part of our date for me was when it got to the not much more part, before I could even bring up doing or not doing more than making out during a movie. While we were still "hanging out", he blurted out the fact that he had only "been" with one woman in the past, one who at the time he believed he was going to marry, and who broke his heart about a year and a half ago by leaving him when the military moved him to another state. He wants to save that experience for his future wife, but emphasized that he had been very interested in me since we had first met two years ago. Weird or cute? I thought mostly the latter but a little bit of the former... let's face it, as a late bloomer who didn't really date seriously until graduate school, I'm sort of used to drawing the line myself. Is something wrong with me for previously having assumed that a guy would never be the first to say we shouldn't, you know, yet? After all, this was just a first date. I'm not sure whether there will be more to come or not due to our newfound geographic distance. Ideally, I'd love to get to know him better, even if it's online or over the phone, and see whether anything develops. DC is a great place to visit (yes, RJ, you should come!). For now, I'm keeping my mind and my heart open to all the possibilities...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I needed instigation.

Since Dr. Strangelove got the ball re-rolling, I thought I’d prove her wrong and write, without real trepidation, about my “Wow, is this really happening” relationship.

It’s not so much that I have been refraining from putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, whatever the case my be) because I am afraid to “jinx” what appears from both the inside and the outside to be working so well. It’s not even that I am paranoid that he is someday going to hop onto my laptop and find this blog—a diary, of sorts, chronicling our rise and fall and rise (among other things). And it’s not because I want to keep this all to myself, to enjoy it for what it is and not share it with the world.

It’s because, dear readers, I’m lazy. I admit it. I have been depriving you of my conquests and happiness because I haven’t felt like writing about it. And, because of an overall lackadaisical feel that has seemingly overcome this once vibrant, entertaining and snarky blog, I have, for once, kept my words to myself.

Oh, but no longer shall this be the case.

One week from today marks the four month mark for me and RCB. Four months. In those four months, we’ve done and gone through a lot. He’s met and hung out with a good portion of my besties. There have been many long, arduous, thought provoking and emotional conversations—both with him and about him. I have had my moments of anxiety and insecurity, but, these days, those feelings are emoted less and less (and, one could even say, close to infrequently).

We have met and hung out with each others’ families. We have talked about the nebulous future, one that includes a blurry but potentially eventual marriage and children. We plan not just for the now but for the distant future; a man who, at one time, would become visibly agitated when I tried, on Tuesday, to make plans for Friday is now saying things like, “would you consider [such and such] two years from now?” We know each other’s weaknesses and strengths and know how to tiptoe around the moodiness that is inevitable (though thankfully not very common) in those whose lives can go from stagnant to unbelievably busy in just the snap of fingers. We can finish each other’s sentences, he always finishes my dinners. A brush of his fingers along my shoulders or a quick kiss goodbye in the morning still brings a chill to my simultaneously warming body. When I turn over and unconsciously shift away from him in the night, he grabs for me to come back. In fits of insomnia, when I leave the bedroom and go out to the couch, he comes looking for me. Even while silent, we are never at a loss for words. We always do the crossword puzzle together, his knowledge of all things obscure in the literary and sports worlds mingling nicely with my ability to spell and my affinity for pop culture. I watch sports on television, he watches my CBS Monday night lineup and other television shows I know he’d rather not. We cook elaborate dinners together, for ourselves and for friends, cracking open a bottle of wine along the way. Yes, I even drink wine now. And I even like it. But not as much as I like how happy and safe and relaxed he makes me feel.

Enough with the cheese.

This ode to my own relationship was instigated party by Dr. S but also by events of this past weekend, when RCB and I went on the trip of all trips. We spent four days at a beautiful resort very much southwest of town. During one of my fabulous spa treatments, I lay on the table, covered in mud and swaddled in towels and tin foil, with a lavender eye pillow covering my eyes, when it hit me: “RD,” my inner voice said, “look at how relaxed you are. You are really not worried about anything, are you? When was the last time you felt this way?”

And, I couldn’t even remember.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

A first date.

So readers, I've been using the excuse that I have nothing in my dating life worth of blogging about... and now that it's looking like I might I know that I'm quickly running out of excuses. And my fellow bloggers, ahem, in good or less novel dating relationships, seem hesitant to post about them.

This week I just happened to run into a guy I had met during a two month training period two years ago while I was at lunch. The military does this, people come into and out of your life all the time, so you learn to keep in touch with those who could be date-worthy, but you never seem to be stationed near. NYB (New Yorker Boy) was looking better than I remembered, especially in his uniform, and quickly proceeded to ask me if I'd like to get together soon, hopefully this weekend. We had kind of a Charlie/Maverick kind of flirtatious moment, due to my outranking him. Ha ha. I said yes and asked him for his phone number, he gave it, checked his phone, and closed it... that perplexed me a bit until he sent a text the next day and I realized he had saved mine from two years ago. Now the one thing I'm not telling you is that I only briefly, and pretty casually, dated one of his best friends two years ago, we parted on good terms, and still keep in touch, but I'm not sure what kind of "limits" that sets on any potential encounters with NYB.

So, knowing that I'm about to move (back to DC from rural NC) I've sort of avoided him for the past few days as I've been busy with movers, etc. But he's been persistent, at first he only asked to get drinks Friday night, now we're driving out to a nearby beach town today Nicholas Sparks style to look at places he could live, get food and "a few drinks". I figured that even if this doesn't turn into anything, he is a cute, old friend I've lost touch with, and it will be good for me to spend time with someone on what might be a date. More to come...