Playing With Matches

What started as a means of chronicling the online dating experiences of two picky yet adventurous almost thirty somethings has turned into a chronicle of all that is, was and has made up their collective dating histories. Our two original daters are now joined by several other fun, breezy, sassy gals, and Playing With Matches is now a missive on dating misadventures, a cacophony of ups and downs, turmoil and bliss. With a bit of snark mixed in here and there.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Hide and Seek.

Dating seems to bring out the immature child in us. Let me explain: I think this because dating, LBH, is pretty much an inane process, at least in the beginning when it's actually a "date" (once you've established a "relationship" and a rapport, I think the situation often moves from dating--in the definitive sense--to hanging out and spending time with someone you care about. You're still "dating" but it does not maintain the same stigma, if you will. If you won't, bear with me.). That first date, especially, can bring one back (though only theoretically) to childhood days. The first date is like a college interview (asking questions) slash first day of school (providing the "important" person with all your "important" information).

And here's the segue. So, since dating is already pretty childlike, there's no reason not to take full advantage, right? That's why I, until yesterday, chose to play a little game I like to call "Hide and Seek."

As I've mentioned before, Match provides a nifty little option that allows you to "hide." This means that you can scroll through the pages and pages of potential matches, look at their profiles, examine their pictures and remain, through it all, completely anonymous. They will never know you looked at them. This is great, because as I also said before, it allows you to be a stalker. Not that I am one. Anymore.

Now, while you can hide and seek simultaneously, we all know that's not how the game is played. In the real world of childhood games [created by some smart adult who was able to bamboozle children into believing hiding was fun], you hide and someone (hopefully) looks for you. But on Match, if you choose to hide, no one can find you. It's really like you've disappeared off the face of the Earth. So you have to make a decision: do I hide and look around without anyone noticing and, thus, take away the chance for others to find me (and to find True Love)? Or, do I suck it up and just search with no abandon?

I ask this only because I maybe sometimes but not always search hidden. Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever stalked someone's profile (due, in part, to the fact that I have almost a photographic memory, at least when it comes to inconsequential things such as this). However, sometimes I like to search hidden, and sometimes I like to hide myself (because I'm popular and cannot keep up with all the people looking at my profile. Geez.).

And, yesterday I ran into a problem. I searched while hidden for a bit and then went out for a night on the town. I came home and had no new views, which was interesting, as the Thursday night 8-12 timeslot seems, historically speaking, to be a popular online search time. I realized soon after that my profile had remained hidden. People could have been looking for me and not been able to find me! I panicked a bit, as I have been corresponding with a few lucky men. I worried that the witty emails they had in their inboxes would remain unanswered because they would go to look at my profile (I've noticed, the men have no problem showing up at the top of your viewed list repeatedly), not find me, and think I had fallen out of cyberspace. Two of them actually wrote back and asked where my profile had gone.

So, the question is: to hide or not to hide? Are there benefits to it? Detriments?

And, yes, I could have just asked the question and done away with all my magnificent prose. But it's not like I kept you from your work or anything.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Yes, I like British Accents.

I mean, who wouldn't want to date a Hugh Grant clone?

But, my dear British transplant, I do not like generic emails. Without pictures. And I know, for a fact, that you have sent the same email to three other girls. Who all look different and have completely different personalities.

Maybe you should be as discriminating as I.

Disclosure

So, it is the morning of my first official date originating from an Internet dating website. It occurred to me this morning that there are many people whom I would like to tell that I am actually going on a date this evening. However, I can't seem to bring myself to disclose.

Who would I like to tell? Well, I would like to tell two of my favorite interns. They are always prying into my personal life and have been insisting for weeks that I should date a certain co-worker. What they don't know is that I actually did, briefly, date said co-worker and am now no longer really speaking to him. Yet, if I tell them I have a date tonight, invariably I will need to disclose details and somehow the fact that I met said individual on-line is certain to come out. Now, part of me thinks the interns would certainly be accepting of online dating. After all, I did some quick math this morning and determined that the Internet has been around since they were in elementary school. However, they are also currently in college. Thus, they still have not been forced to enter the "real world" of dating. They are surrounded by people their own age day in and day out. And, LBH, no one dates in college anyway.

I would also like to inform the evil co-worker of my plans just to show him I've moved on...yet, again the stigma. So with the exception of a very select few friends, my plans this evening are largely secret.

Oh, except I did tell my mother. Now, I should begin by saying that my mother and I do not have a Gilmore Girls type relationship. We do not, as they say in the world of litigation, participate in open discovery. We get along fairly well though. Disturbingly, I find myself growing more and more like her each day despite my teenage decrees that I would do nothing of the sort. So last night, I decided to tell her about my upcoming plan to meet young engineer for coffee this evening. Two interesting aspects of this conversation. First, she asked if he plays golf. Now, I don't play golf. So, this question was not aimed at attempting to determine whether we have common interests. My father, however, does play golf. He's quite accomplished. The question was posed for one of two reasons. My mother may have concluded that my father is a great guy, my father is a golfer and therefore all great guys are golfers (hello LSAT). Alternatively, she has decided that any one I potentially may date must be able to golf as a means of bonding with my father. I haven't decided which of the two of these conclusions is more disturbing.

Secondly, as we were concluding our conversation, she reminded me to "be careful." It subsequently occurred to me that as one who has watched a lot of Law and Order, CSI, and Without a Trace over the years, I should perhaps be more nervous as I approach this first Internet date. Yet, I am surprisingly calm. Maybe it's because, he's a golfer.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Channeling Emily Post.

But I don’t think she would have any idea.

Apparently there is a “new” feature on Match.com that allows you to say “No, thanks” when someone winks at you or sends you an email. I say it is new because my friends who are Match veterans (and married!) say that this keen little option did not exist when they were looking for love in cyberspace. (Wait! Are we looking for love? Wow, that's a lot of pressure.)

Anyway, I digress. I always have a dilemma when I receive an email that says “so and so has winked at you” or “so and so has sent you an email.” What if so and so doesn’t interest me in the least? (Before you judge or call me hypercritical, take a moment to liken internet dating to shopping. Work with me. You spy something that catches your eye, you take a closer look, you buy or move on. Brilliant.) Do I just ignore the wink/email? Or do I say “No, thanks” and move on to the next?

Though seemingly callous, I often choose the ignore option, as it seems to me to be the lesser of the evils. Saying “No, thanks” is outright rejection. Who am I to reject someone I don’t even know, sight unseen? I think it’s kinder and gentler to just ignore…after a while, he will hopefully forget that he sent me a wink or an email (or, on rare occasions, both) and, thus, forget about me.

And, duh, I’m the Queen of Passive Aggressivia.

The Glass is Always Half Full in My World

So, this morning I was contemplating the whole Internet-dating phenomenon, and despite my skepticism, I actually came to a positive realization regarding said dating method. With Internet dating there is at least a chance, albeit a miniscule one, that I could potentially meet someone worthy of dating today (an average Wednesday).

Hear me out on this one. What do you do during your average weekday? Well, if you are like me, you work for a good ten or twelve hours a day. Now, I conjecture that I'm not likely to meet Mr. Wonderful in my office today. I've come into contact with the same coworkers throughout my tenure here, and unless someone new and fabulous is starting today, it's not happening. And LBH, we've all engaged in office romances. And, perhaps after realizing what a monumental mistake this is, we've abandoned the workplace as an outlet for meeting potential significant others.

What else do you do during the weekday? Perhaps you workout. Even in your cutest workout attire, are you likely to meet "the one" while sweating through Salsa aerobics? No. Daily errands? As you are standing in line at the coffee shop/bookstore/lunch venue you may well spot someone who catches your eye. We've all been there; we've all spotted that gorgeous guy in the line adjacent to us. He's well dressed, he's a fellow caffeine addict, he's paying the barista...and then, as he collects his change we spot...the wedding ring.

But, with Internet dating, it is possible to stumble across the next potential significant other even in the middle of an otherwise monotonous week. That my friends (and those who are not technically my "friends" but who read this blog because they [like me] find reading the thoughts of random people to be quite interesting) is one positive aspect of Internet dating.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Dear FBI "Agent"

Dear Guy Attempting to Impress Me,

When submitting photos to an Internet dating website, please do not include photos in which you (potential object of my future affection) are wearing a hat/tee-shirt/other item of clothing upon which the initials of a particular law enforcement agency are displayed unless you are actually an employee of said law enforcement agency. I am not impressed when you provide me with photos in which you are wearing an FBI or NYPD shirt, when you very obviously (for any number of reasons) are not an FBI agent or a NYPD officer. Were you actually an FBI agent/NYPD officer, I think it would be very unlikely that you would actually decide to display photos of yourself dressed in this manner. Hey, I've seen a lot of movies featuring FBI agents. They do not wear FBI hats when they are just hanging out with their friends. So please, do not think this will impress me. It will not. It is right up there with other pet peeves previously documented on this blog (please see first post).

Thank you.

Princess 1

Hey, You!

Yes, you. You know who you are. Well, I know who you are. How? Because, for some reason, you keep appearing at the top of my "Who's Viewed Me" list. This means you keep viewing me. I think this is weird. View me once. Hell, view me as many times as you want. But, after the first time, hide. It's a wonderful little option the good people at Match.com created for stalkers like you.

Looking at me more than once isn't going to make me like you more. Or wink at you. Or email you. Unless it's to say "Stop!" You don't want me to block you, do you? Because I can do that, too. And then you'll have to find some other young, cute, sassy girl's profile to visit.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Generation Gap.

I am 28. You are 48. Stop it. It's creepy. And kind of sad. And my profile clearly has my nice, neat seven year age range. No exceptions. I'm allowed to be picky.

A Public Service Announcement from Princess 1

Dear Internet Dating Guy Who is Attempting to Impress Me,

If you are going to contact me via email and express an interest in getting to know me, please at least attempt to be creative in your correspondence. You must assume that I might know others on the site "fortunate" enough to have received emails from you as well. When we compare said emails and discover they are exactly the same, we are not impressed. We will certainly not respond to your email once we make this discovery (not that we would have necessarily responded any way). So, be creative. I know it's difficult, but at least attempt to draft one unique sentence per email. Trust me, we're worth it.

Princess 1

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Really? How Am I Supposed to React to This?

I hate to do this. I really do. But, he gave me no choice. And, since I know that I'm not the only one who got this particular email, I can "republish" it, as it's out there in the world. All over the world.

Crushed. Ego.

Here it is, in all its glory (ok, I felt bad, so I took out his real name and his real email address):

hi baby,my name is [insert a biblical name here].i think i like you.i will like to meet you,that is if your really looking for a real relationship.i am an artist,and i also buy and sell artefacts.i sometimes have to travell far to shop for artefacts.baby i think your the one for me,so lets make it happen.here is my private e.mail for you to reply me, [insert email address] bye for now baby.

I swear. All spelling and punctuation has been left in the original.

Ways to Guarantee That I Will NOT Respond To Your Wink and/or Email

  1. You think that the phrase "a lot" is a word "alot."
  2. You fail to grasp the fundamental difference between its and it's.
  3. You don't know the difference between their, they're and there.
  4. Or between your and you're.
  5. Or too and to and two.
  6. Your collection of photos includes pictures of you and a feline.
  7. Your collection of photos includes pictures of you with a child and you are holding a beer.
  8. Your collection of photos includes pictures of you and one other female who does not really look like she is your sister.
  9. Your collection of photos includes pictures in which you are obviously intoxicated and/or in which you are wearing Greek letters.
  10. Your profile doesn't even have a picture. And, I'm not going to ask for one because then, if I don't "like" you and I don't respond, I'll seem shallow. And maybe I am. But you don't need to know that yet.
  11. Your username includes a reference to a well known serial killer.
  12. Your username refers to sexual activity.
  13. Your username refers to you, me, and a sexual activity.
  14. You are not wearing a shirt. Or, worse, you're wearing a wife beater.
  15. You are wearing more jewelry than I do.
  16. You speak of spontaneous road trips and wine and loving to listen to the laughter of young children because you think it impresses me.
  17. You use instant messaging type abbreviations and/or emoticons in your profile and/or email correspondence.
  18. You are old enough to be my father.
  19. Your "requirements" in a match are so unspecific that you are matched with anyone who is female.
  20. You "tell me" you can tell from reading my profile that we are meant to be.
  21. You use any terms of endearment in the email. Do not ever call me "Baby" or "Sweetie." You don't mean it. And, if you do, ew.