My Fun v. His Feelings
So I'm leaning towards my fun.
For years it has been his fun v. my feelings..."his" being any man i've dated in the past 15 years for the most part (there were a few exceptions). I know that I have a penchant for dating jerks that are either not truly interested in me and/or are just generally emotionally unavailable. There is safety in this sort of dating but feelings are also genuinely hurt upon occasion.
Anyways, right now things (i think) have become reversed. He seems to like me, calls all the time, etc. But he's been on vacation all week and I'm sort of over him...don't really think I was interested in the first place. So I have been advised by some to just have fun with it, it doesn't have to go anywhere. But now I keep thinking what if I hurt his feelings...as I have been in his position more times than I would like to count.
I don't want to pity date, nothing is more uncomfortable than that...especially if the other party tries to instigate intimate situations.
but i do have a good time with him...but let's be honest i don't care if i ever kiss him again. so is that pity dating? and should i even care?
am I making a deal out of nothing?
who knows.
posted by romance junkie @ Thursday, October 19, 2006
6 Comments:
but, to play devil's advocate (kind of), why do you want to hang out with a boy you don't want to smooch when there are boys out there you DO want to smooch?
something to do in the meantime.
Harmless flirtation on the phone is fine, but if he's about to spend money on a night out with certain expectations, he should know how you feel. Trust me, no man wants to be that guy, unless he's also expecting nothing out of it.
well i guess if you think that maybe you could possibly grow to like him, then you could give yourself some time, see him a bit more. but if you're sure there's nothing there then i guess just move on to the next guy.
This post actually made me reflect. I think this is how I feel. If you have fun when you are with him, but don't care in between dates, then you can have fun and let him know you aren't looking for anything serious. But if it is effortful when you are with him, and you don't care in between, then I think you have the answer (move on).
I agree with what others have said, the important thing is to be upfront. "Hey, I like you but I am not interested in a relationship" is better than letting him hang on with no real answer.
And, the big question you have to ask yourself: Do you want to kiss him again? If the answer is no, then you have to change that to, "Hey, you're fun to hang out with, but I am not interested in dating you"
Let him know he is a friend...you are a fabulous woman so he will probably still want to spend time with you, but now he'll know you're going dutch ;).
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