Good on Paper, Sucks at Life
About two years ago, I ended a [very] longterm relationship. Okay, so maybe I didn't end it so much as it was ended for me, but whatever. Revisionist history. Anyway, at the conclusion of that relationship, I made the comment that I'd fallen once for love, and the next time around, I was falling for money. After all, the love thing hadn't worked out so well. It just ended up with me getting really hurt.
Fast forward to March-April 2006. I start online dating and meet EE. Now, let me permit the readers to enter my [crazy] mind a bit. You know how girls always play the game of how does his last name sound when combined with my first name? (come on ... we ALL do this). Well, in my new single phase, I started playing a different game. It's called, how will the wedding announcement sound. You see, I'm from the deep south, where the wedding annoucement is key. So, I asked myself, were I to marry EE [for example] how would it sound. The answer? Great. EE went to excellent schools, has an extremely successful and impressive career. Yup, the Junior Leaguers would approve. And, as I continued to be tempted by FWB, I would remind myself that EE was financially successful and that such success certainly translated to stability. It didn't matter that he wouldn't hold my hand in public. It didn't matter that he could not discuss the concept of "us". It didn't matter that the bed games had an almost clinical feel 80% of the time or that I wasn't permitted to look in the refrigerator. Good on paper, literally and figuratively.
Interestingly, we don't always notice what's missing in a relationship, or how important those missing components might be, until we find a subsequent partner who gives us what we need. RD and I discussed this very concept at length yesterday. She too found that part of her attraction to Him was the financial stability. Again, He was good on paper, but he sucked at life.
Enter AG. AG and I have continued to interact and things are going well. This explains my absence from the blog. All those things that were missing with EE, seem to be present in AG. And, because I needed those things and missed them so much in the context of EE, I am tremendously grateful to find them present in AG. Yup. I could be in real trouble here. You know it's trouble when suddenly the three carat Harry Winston doesn't matter any more.
There's that old expression, "you can marry a rich man just as easily as a poor one." Okay, sure you can. But not if that rich man doesn't hold your hand in public. Not if that rich man doesn't let you see the inside of his refrigerator. Not if that rich man is really as cold as the unseen contents of the inside of that same refrigerator. Nope. Not me. Not this girl. I'm on a quest for something more. Wanted: Good on Paper, Great at Life.
posted by Objection @ Sunday, October 29, 2006
6 Comments:
umm...is the refrigerator a euphamism for something, or are you being literal? If you are being that's just freaking weird, and it is very good that you are rid of him.
There are only two types of people who won't let you look in their fridge: really dirty people who don't want you to see the mold and psycho killer who don't want you to see the body parts ;).
Oh Allan,
If only the refrigerator were a euphanmism. No, I'm afraid I'm referring to an actual refrigerator. The real question on everyone's mind is, what was in there anyway? You pose two very likely scenarios. In the beginning, I was inclined towards mold...but, please. Over the course of several months, wouldn't you clean that out at some point? So now, I'm thinking body parts.
Wow, think how rich and famous you are going to be when he is finally captured, brought to justice and you get to write your tell-all book!!!!
My suggested titles:
"Don't Look in the Fridge"
"I Dated a Serial Killer, and That Wasn't Even My Worst Relationship"
Might I add - great at life, to me, means more than just saying and doing all of the right things, but being genuine, honest, and capable of caring for and empathizing with another person. Money and great looks are nice, but I hope that the perspective we are (myself, slowly) acquiring with age will help us remember, even in the thick of a relationship when we're completely sucked in, that these things aren't enough on their own.
Atta Girl! That's exactly the right attitude. You (and everyone else) should be on a quest for something more, for someone who is Good on Paper, Great at Life! Don't settle for less.
And believe me, guys struggle with the same thing sometimes. It is not at all unusual to find yourself dating a woman who is good on paper: a woman who is very attractive and the sex is good -- yet there is no real chemistry ... no deep-seated connection.
hell ya! way to keep the standards high!
After all, you're great at both, so he should be too!
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