Playing With Matches

What started as a means of chronicling the online dating experiences of two picky yet adventurous almost thirty somethings has turned into a chronicle of all that is, was and has made up their collective dating histories. Our two original daters are now joined by several other fun, breezy, sassy gals, and Playing With Matches is now a missive on dating misadventures, a cacophony of ups and downs, turmoil and bliss. With a bit of snark mixed in here and there.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Pros and Cons of an FWB (Friends With Benefits) “Relationship”

My Dad taught me to make these lists, if he only knew what I was applying this skill to now...

PROS
1. He/she is (hopefully) hot and the sex is mind-blowing.
2. There is no emotional drama in the “relationship” because you both know it’s not a real relationship.
3. It works for both parties, especially if they have been hurt by relationships past and are not yet willing to risk too much.
5. There a level of comfort in familiarity.
6. There is some level of care for each other’s well beings, hence the friends designation.
7. No jealousy (in theory).
8. #1 deserves repeating - it's fun!

CONS
1. Every time that you “see” him/her the risk of getting sucked in emotionally increases.
2. If you’re not willing to risk that much, then are you really that into each other? The knowledge that you may not be his/her ‘the one’.
3. Potential for heartbreak if emotions inevitably follow anyways.
4. Awkwardness in public when you're not sure how to act.
5. Absence of a real emotional relationship, at least the type that you envision yourself having with ‘the one’.

Some of these carry more weight than others of course, so this is not necessarily an endorsement or statement that pros outweigh cons, please feel free to add any more you can think of.

10 Comments:

Blogger Red Photography said...

Con: You begin to resent the other person for only wanting to see or talk to you when they want sex. If you are a blogger this may also be concurent to when they read on your blog that you are single again after being involved for a while with somebody else.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Frankly, Scarlett said...

Con: Potentially HE gets emotionally attached and you feel like a slut because all you want or have time for is sex. (this also works in reverse)

12:06 PM  
Blogger allan said...

Pro: You can get laid without having to spend $100-$150 on a date ;).

6:16 PM  
Blogger JoJo said...

Or your FWB withholds sex, but continues to take you out to brunch/dinner/movies. Wait isn't that called DATING?

7:19 PM  
Blogger allan said...

No, jojo, that is called marriage :)

7:15 AM  
Blogger romance junkie said...

jojo we call that secret dating. where in their mind they are secretly dating you (and acting accordingly)...only in truth you aren't.

i think. shorty will have to jump on and clarify. i often confuse that and hijack dating...but i think i'm right this time.

hijack dating is a whole other realm...and i (and shorty too) have and excellent story which illustrates this occurance. i'll have to blog it soon.

9:35 AM  
Blogger Starboard Tack said...

Personally, I don't think the FWB thing works very well. It is a nice idea, in theory, but one partner almost always becomes emothionally attached -- while the other does not.

I tried it twice (once on each side), and both times led to heartbreaks and/or other problems. As you said, emotion inevitably follows anyway.

I believe that a normal dating relationship is far better...

11:51 AM  
Blogger Reluctant Dater said...

wow. i think i've been secret dating my whole dating career.

2:25 PM  
Blogger Reluctant Dater said...

starboard tack: if normal dating relationships were more common (i would say plausible, but we all know i'm less cynical these days), then we wouldn't have a blog to write!

8:43 PM  
Blogger Starboard Tack said...

Reluctant dater: I agree. Normal dating relationships are hard to find ... I just don't agree with settling for an FWB if a normal relationship isn't there ... an FWB is a dead end, lose-lose proposition.

8:39 PM  

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