In over my head.

Prideless update on my barely a love life: as is obvi from my most recent posts, my “relationship” with etb is ongoing. What started out as what I thought would be my first-ever one night stand has progressed into dinner, drinks, and sex, once or twice a week, accompanied by daily conversations and texting throughout the day. He has taken the initiative to call in advance to make dinner plans once or twice a week, and for the first time on Wednesday, actually blew off guy buddies to see me alone. Great conversation. Long talk over beers after we were done with sushi. He refused to let me pay. Extremely comfortable, like I never have been after knowing someone for only this long. What gives? Is this still fwb? I’m well aware that I’m probably incapable of actually having the true fwb “relationship” no matter how hard I try, because, let’s face it, I just care, and I can’t and don’t want to help it.

Now, before you begin to think (as I admittedly have done more than once over the past few weeks) that surely there is something more there, that maybe this will be in the 0.5% of fwb relationships that turn into something real, let me inform you that I am not etb’s only fwb. There is another girl who in fact works in our same circles, thus complicating things. When he is with me, though, on his own accord, etb goes on and on about how not into other fwb he is, how she has too much baggage, and he cannot ever foresee having anything more than what they currently have with her. He mentions that while he was hurt by a failed marriage, he wants to marry again someday, but is afraid of real commitment now (what boys say these things?). No mention, whatsoever though, of ending things with her or taking things with me further. Does he really want to be with someone who doesn’t care (i.e. her) about him? I am by no means ready to bring this up in conversation, but know that I have to eventually.

As RD eloquently and accurately stated - I do not want to be a decision he makes, I want to be something he knows he wants. But my dilemma is this - I know that if he really is only capable of fwb, he will likely cut things off or scale way back if he knows how I really feel, and because I feel, I am not sure I am ready to lose him yet. In fwb relationships, is it possible to fake it till you make it?